The identity crisis of men
Estimated read time: 1 min & 56 secs
I notice a lot of my guy friends struggle with this particular thing.
And while I think everyone struggles with this to some extent, I feel like guys struggle with it a bit more.
The thing I’m talking about is how most men tie a big chunk of their self-identity to the job or career they have, which can become problematic.
A lot of my guy friends work in the tech industry. And the tech industry laid off a lot of people in 2023 and 2024.
I watched a handful of my guy friends lose not just their jobs, but their sense of who they were.
Getting laid off didn't just hurt their bank accounts — it crushed their self-esteem.
What makes us who we are?
The word “identity” refers to our sense of who we are as individuals.
The problem we have in society today is that many people build their identity around the wrong things.
Let me tell you a quick story.
I've got this buddy who makes really good money. When I meet with him for dinners, he often volunteers to pick up the tab.
One time, my buddy went to a networking event and met some big-shot entrepreneur.
My buddy was doing well, but this guy was next-level rich.
When my buddy tried to chat with him, the entrepreneur was rude and dismissive. Maybe that entrepreneur was in a bad mood that day, but it was an unpleasant experience for my buddy.
For now, let’s call the rich entrepreneur Person A.
And then there’s Person B works at a udon restaurant in Seattle. He is a minimum wage worker, but he is hardworking and very nice to his customers.
When my buddy and I went to the udon restaurant for dinner, Person B even gave us a free side dish when he found out we were from Hawaii because Person B is also from Hawaii.
So, here’s the question: Between Person A (the rich entrepreneur) and Person B (the udon restaurant employee), who would you rather hang out with for a day?
I would 100% pick Person B.
When you think about it like this, it shows that money and status matter, but a person’s character and how they treat others matter a lot more.
If you feel like you are not where you want to be yet, read this quote:
“You are not your job. You are not your achievements. You are not what you have. You are defined by your actions and your character. That’s it.”
There are many ways to think about who we are as people, and I choose to build my self-identity based on the quote above.
I believe that when we focus on improving our character traits and behavior, rather than on things outside our control, life gets better in the long run.
That’s it for this email. Peace out!
-George 🐙