Push yourself love yourself

Estimated read time: 1 min & 58 secs

I want to be a parent someday.

But I had concerns about being a good one.

A lot of people are parents, but it doesn't mean they are great parents.

When I shared my concerns with my therapist, he gave me some advice.

He said there’s a simple formula for being a good parent, and it boils down to two words: warm and demanding.

He explained it like this.

Some parents are all warmth but very little demands. They shower their kids with unconditional love (which is great!) but never push them to do better, and never set rules around the house.

These kids end up becoming lazy or spoiled brats.

Then you've got the flip side — parents who are super demanding but not enough warmth (like typical Asian parents).

Sure, they probably love their kids like crazy, but they never show it. Instead, it's all about high standards and pushing, pushing, pushing. And guess what that creates? Angry kids who grow up to be angry adults.

The worst-case scenario is when a parent shows no warmth and very little demand. Hopefully, you don’t know any parents like that, because these kids grow up to be depressed and suicidal.

The Best Parents

My therapist said the best parents are the ones that are both warm and demanding.

They've figured out how to do both.

They show their kids a lot of unconditional love, and they push them to do hard things.

The best parents say, "I love you exactly as you are... and I know you can do even more!" Maybe they won’t say that exact phrase, but they will at least show it through their actions and affirmations.

How’s This Relevant to You if You Are Not a Parent?

You see, the way our parents talk to us becomes the way we talk to ourselves.

It's like we've got this little recording in our head playing 24/7, and guess who made the recording? Mom and Dad!

If your parents were all warmth and very little push, chances are you're pretty lazy.

But if they were all demands and very little warmth? You might be beating yourself up all day long.

So, here's the good news: You can slowly change the voice in your head by being more mindful of it.

If the voice in your head is constantly comparing you to other people, constantly criticizing your mistakes, and just constantly making you feel like you are not good enough… then practice being kinder yourself. Practice more warmth.

(Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? I don't think so!)

For the people who are lazy or spoiled, I don’t know what the voice in your head sounds like. But a lot of the meaning in life comes from doing hard things. Maybe it's time to demand a little more from yourself. Push a little harder.

THE END.

-George 🐙

---